Exit from a Nightmare

TO ALL THE THOUSANDS WHO HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR ME TO START CHAPTERING BECAUSE I COULDN'T DEAL WITH ITALICS. SOMETHING WORSE HAPPENED. ALL OF GOOGLE SHRUNK DOWN TO THE SIZE OF A PEA AND I COULDN'T READ ANY POSTS. SOMEHOW IN THE WAY THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN WITH COMPUTERS, I APPEAR TO HAVE FIXED IT BUT NOW I AM MUCH TOO UPSET TO START READING OLD POSTS WHICH I AM NOT SURE I COULD READ ANYWAY. ASSUMING I HAVE MY READABLE GOOGLE BACK, HOWEVER, I WILL TRY TO STICK TO MY WORD AND READ THE FUCKING THING THOUGH IT'S NOT REALLY GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING. NOTHING EVER CHANGES ANYWAY.

Don't Fuck The Italics Yet Chapter one/half

How the fuck am I going to find 15 or 20 and then write a chapter or whatever about it. I am not sure I can follow which I did in what order thought they are all dated in many ways. I cannot write chapters about 15 or 20 arbitrary posts. This requires way more study than I am capable of. That, of course, will not stop me for a moment. Hang in there.

Fuck the Italics

According to Blogger I have 143 posts. It seems to me if I make a chapter out of every 15-20 posts, something might happen. Of course,it is more likely that nothing that has not happened already will happen, it will just be further layered. But I will try to be objective (also increase my height). I will, with all the scholarship I am capable of,uh, lots, will examine how BLOGG is progressing toward its ultimate goal--oblivion. In order to do this I am going to have to read these fucking posts (which I have not yet done) in order, no less. Why am I doing this? The reason for why I am doing this will become apparent after I have done it. I am now going to read the first five posts. Pray for me.

The Italic Conspiracy

A simple, stupid question. A patient, logical answer. I can now use all the italics I want to if I choose to. I can even use color. I tell you this merely so you can share with me the extent of the problem. I don't know if it marginally has something to do with the blog. But it's over and you can stop laughing now.

Italics?

This is going to be so painless you won't feel a thing even if you have been woefully wounded in the past. I went to a computer store last night and was well on the path toward learning how to use the italics (it has something to do with HTML) and I thought, "Fuck it. This is no way worth the time and numbers are better anyway."

The purpose of introducing a third skein was to simply judge the first two, and then either end the bloody thing or continue forever. I think it makes more sense to call this third set "chapters" and give them numbers and say I will introduce one every ten to twenty pages (chapter 1, chapter 2-- I get the feeling you've done this kind of thing before). In the chapters I will comment on the concept, my original comments, my editorial comments, my intentions and life in general. Perhaps the chapters will be so perky and distinct I'll be able to do away with the rest of all this shit. You realize that this means my going back and reading my first post (and I will try to read ten or twenty posts at a pop to get the narrative flow) while I continue to write new posts and edit the old ones. It is conceivable that new posts added after I have started the chapters will be influenced by things I hated in the first posts, such, for example, as the word "innumerable," which, for some reason I find inordinately ugly. (The same for "inordinately). I feel in complete control of the structure of Blogg now as if I were in front of the Big Screen in Battlestar Gallactica which should be italicized. This has not really been a post, although it is probably been no less postier than most of the other entries so we will call it a post. I have not yet decided when I will start adding the chapters but it will be soon, before I forget I said I would add them. So no matter what kind of shit befalls your life today, you have something to look foward to, Life. I just love it.

Italics

Somewhat inconceivable but this may be my stupidest entry of all. If I can't figure out how to use the italics (I am assuming they have them), then the grand design of this whole blog may be compromised. There is a little thingy in the top row of blogger that looks like a letter in italics. Here is what happens when I try to use it. kk/em> I suppose this means that everyone in the world except me knows what the ems mean. I have tried typing between them, inside them and I can't get my italics. If I go into "help" or something like that then you probably never will see me again. Should I try "edit html?" What could be worse. Nothing happened. I do not know how to insert my italic tags. This may just seem like stupidity and it probably is. There are any number of people I can call who I am certain will tell me what to do. But before that I should tell you the purpose of the italics which is to institute a third section, which, unlike the capital letters section which is editing individual posts, will be commenting on the entire concept because we have come to a point where I either have to justify this and continue doing it for the rest of my life or saying "goodbye, what were you on." Since capital letters were already taken, I thought italics would do the job, although a more complicated alternative would be to number these ubersections of which I do not think there will be too many. I could spend the next two hours trying to find the fucking italics but I think it will effect the blog in a weird way. So I think I will just tune out, do my regular edits, and hopefuly have the sense to call someone who will tell me how to do this very simple thing. Take the rest of the day off.

eA Whole New Direction Possibly the Beginning of the End

OH MY GOD, I AM EDITING THE POST I JUST POSTED. I CANNOT CONTROL THE EDIT POSTS FUNCTION. SHALL I REALLY EDIT SOMETHING I WROTE FIVE MINUTES AGO? WHY THE FUCK NOTIt's obvious, even to me that this can't go on much longer in its present form. I don't know what's more excruciating, writing it or reading it. I think I've proven whatever point I set out to prove and if I did this for 500 more days I don't think I would prove it any more strongly. Floss after each meal. Just kidding. I'm already editing the old posts but I feel like some kind of structural thing is in order. Truth be told, I have not read any of this past the first entry. I feel that as punishment, if nothing else, I should be forced to. Now if I could find the fucking italics on blogger it would make it easier for me to have a third thing going.You just sit there for a minute while I look. If the post ends with this sentence it means I didn't find it and disconnected myself in which case I will count this as a post because I don't feel like writing the same idiitic thing again. Here goes. I just pushed the italics tab and got the ems you see. Why do they make it so fucking complicated. Let me try bold. Now it's just saying strong. Fuck this unles I play with it later. One way or another ( I may have to resort to numbered posts), I will read them all and periodically inform you as to what I feel I have or have not accomplished, possibly while I continue to write regular new posts and edit the old ones. It all will land at an end point eventually, I promise and then I will go out and buy an ipad so I can damage myself in other ways. I have no handwriting left. I can only write letters by typing them on computer and printing them when I can get my printer to work which is infrequently. I think this all heads to some kind of unwritten mental transmission at some point. Perhaps in 50 years all our heads will have keyboards. What a wondeful world it will be. Stay tuned.I am not sure which of these idiotic choices I am going to adapt and I have not given up on italics and bold. That's why God invented young people-- so they can show me how to navigate this shit and then go home and laugh at me.MY EDITORIAL COMMENT IS THAT IT IS REMARKABLE WHAT AN EARNEST TONE THE WRITER MANAGES TO WORK UP AS IF SOMETHING IS REALLY TAKING PLACE. AND IT IS. THIS. I WONDER WHERE MY NEXT EDIT POSTS WILL TAKE ME. MAYB SOMEWHERE WITH ITALICS.

NOW

Now i am going to read the newspaper. Hallelujah.

DISASTER

Thl is one is going to hurt-- both of us. You (if there is still a you" out there) and me because I am going to have to do someting awful, possibly many times. It is early in the morning. I could be reading the newspaper and drinkig a cup of coffee, neither of which would do the world harm. But instead, FOR REASONS THAT TOTALLY ELUDE ME (Italis) I am back here at the keyboard with a head full of so much nothing it makes a black hole look like a beach ball. (Does that analogy make any sense whatsover? It's the sort of thing I would add on editing. Am I editing as I write now?) I thik I owe it to you whether you are real or not to try to read this thing from beginning to end 1)to see if it s possible 2) if it is not, then pull the plug. There is only one question. Will I do this? It seems like such a chore as opposed to the clackety clak of just writing and not worrying abut whether it makes much sense or not. But it seems the adult, responsible thing to do and I hereby pledge I will make every effort to read what I have wrouht and give you my honest opionion. I am not sure how I am going to do this. I already use caps for my editorial comments and there is no red color and I can't find the italics. So I think I will give every critical mass a catchy title like CRITICAL MASS 1. When I finish all my critical masses, we will set down and talk, mano a mano and decide what I should do. No I decide what I should do. You decide what YOU should do (like split) and either way this all becomes a bad dream. I was thinking yesterday about a blogg app (have I said this already) that turns all your other apps into miasmas of self-doubt. Books are becoming apps anyway and BLOGG has to stay current. If there is a you and if you are still reading, may the Lord shine his everloving light on you and may all your children grow up to be President, even if you don't have any. May your dog never pee on your rug and may love and understand lead to all the other things in the first two lines of THE AGE OF ACQARIUS that I don't remember. I have to go edit now.

Where?

I am in another place in a large room. There are strangers watching me type this. I must be wary that one does not look over my shoulder and steal a glance before this even gets posted. Would that be fair? Would that make you feel like a second class citizen when you are really beyond first class because you are reading BLOG? I have not even had my coffee yet though I almost dropped it due to the unfamiliarity of the surroundings. I am barraging you with details about my real life when previously I was barely admitting I have one if I do. There is an evil genie churning in me saying that I could tell you all the details of my life and it would make not one iota of difference since they are nearly as meaningless and boring as the details of BLOG. But no, at least for the time being I shall clutch my personal reality privately to my heart. It provides the fuel which enables me to transmogrify it into BLOGG, the keeper of all nothingness. It makes me feel like I am working on a secret government project. If BLOGG succeeds perhaps it can be turned into a weapon. Or an app. There could be a BLOGG app that takes the meaning out of your other apps so you personally can see what it feels like to spend your life churning this shit out. It ain't pretty. It's occasionally amusing (at least to me) but that's a high price for a human to pay. I must stop before I inadvertently reveal where I am an ruin everything regardless of the fact that it will have no effect. Care must be taken. This is fragile. Who is that large woman staring at me over her shoulder?