e OH FRAYDOM

E Once more into it. It feels particularly difficult today. I think I said yesterday I might be forced to add some substance or information from my so-called personal life to keep this thing going.(I AM NOT PERMITTED TO ADMIT MY TRUE CALLING IN REAL LIFE BUT IT IS HIGHLY SEXUAL). It is starting to get even to me. Does the fact that I am having a hard time continuing it qualify as information outside the grid?iF A PANCAKE FALLS ON A HOT GRIDDLE IS IT PART OF THE GRID? Why if there is no substance should I be having a harder time delivering nothing one day rather than another.(BAROMETRIC PRESSURED DIFFERENCES?) It is not the substance delivery itself. It is the thinking about the substance delivery. It is the fear that I will DRIVE us both to simultaneously say, "Fuck It" and go off and twitter or something. But nothing is nothing if not consistent so I cannot blame the content of no content. Why do I care if you go off twittering, or for that matter, if I go off twittering EVEN IF i UNDERSTOOD IT? Because somewhere in my so-called brain there is still a prehistoric ego that thinks that this elementary school Kafka is going to have its moment in the sun, allowing me to walk off the stage famous, but with integrity intact. No, by definition the possibilities of continuing this sans content are infinite. What may not be infinite are the patience of the writer and the reader. I am periodically also wracked by the question, "Why are you doing this?" I have no answer.(NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE) Well, I have some theories. 1) Because blogging, whatever it is is a real medium and is fun and I think I know how to do it-- whether you hate this or notI think it at leastdoes have a bloglike rhythm, ALTHOUGH THE AUTHOR HASN'T READ ENOUGH BLOGGS TO BE CERTAIN.. 2) I don't have anything better to do. 3) It is a sort of intellectual flossing, spLaying detritus from my brain randomly around and hoping they add up to something. I think I have to do the opposite of what I said at the beginning. I have to fight the urge to give up, to give in. I have to believe in Tinker Bell. Because I have made a commitment and until I uncommit, which I am nowhere near doing, to cease would be nothing more than mere laziness. And what about my two followers. What kind of reward would this be for them after their staying with me for so long. No, we started today in the darkness but emerge into the light, more determined than ever to see where this weird road leads even if it leads nowhere. Nowhere may turn out to be a fascinating place, much more interesting than somewhere, which has been getting very crowded with cliches of late. Nowhere is clean, virginal snow, glowing with the light of the original creation.THE AUTHOR SOUNDS AS IF HE IS ATTEMPTING TO WRITE BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH USING A PIECE OF WET SPAGHETTI AS A WRITING INFLUENCE. I AM SILMULTANEOUSLY TOUCHED, APPALLED AND NAUSEATED AT HIS COURAGE.WHAT WOULD BEETHOVEN THINK?