ePIECES

WHY ARE YOU FUCKING REVISING THIS SHIT/ WHO CARES/ A two-hour medititation during which my mind is supposed to focus on nothing but the breath. Let's say I was fifty percent successful--- still pretty remarkable for a butthead like me. Thought of LA on time during the meditation and shot it out of my mind like an arrow. No room for the likes of obsession in an exercise that is supposed to termninate obsession. Still, there are similarities: focus on the breath vs. focusing on non-focusing; feeling you are in the groove; wondering whether what you are doing is remotely worthwhile for any reason and if so how will you be able to tell. My ego keeps telling me that I have to find a tecbhnologically abled person who mat be able to get me past my four followers, not that I am not in dire apprciation of their attention, espcecially since I'm pretty sure one is me. I want a debate with someone who only says things that are substatial, like "blogs suck." I will engage him en pointe and point to how these pages prove the pointe. The posts, incidentally are written in bursts that usually take about 15 minutes. By the end of a reasonable period of time I am going to attempt to read them to see if any unexpected format has happened (unlikely but not impossible), but mostly to see whether what seems to a jerk like me witty in a post sinks like a dead balloon in a long narrative. I am not sure that this is fair. Isn't this like taking a sentence from every paragraph reading a novel and seeing if the medium still makes sense or not. And since I am defining sense the answer is senseless anyway which is why I need feedback from thee, o reader. I am on the downward slope of LA, thinking I can keep it up for a few more weeks tops unless I get feedback, good or bad. I don't have enough confidence to judge it on my own and I have a feeling my shrink might not think this is the best use of what little mental health I have, as opposed to reading a book or writing a real one.